Umm I'm too high to move.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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