is your mom at the bar?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is Oprah even human
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
