Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
