also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
