Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
