Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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