I need help removing her.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
