I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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