isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
this is an emotional support booty call
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
