Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
