this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
