You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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