exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
