coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
