plz talk dirty to me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
