Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
