I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
