Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
