he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
