You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
