Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
