Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
