If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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