We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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