Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
