Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize