idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
