It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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