I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
