to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
