I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
