I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
