Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
