I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
