we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
