so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
