I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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