Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
