hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
