so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
