He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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