well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
