I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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