u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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