My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
