I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
