Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
