we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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