Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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