I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm too high and old for this...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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