Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
