i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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