plz talk dirty to me
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
