Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I want to fling myself into the sun
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize