My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
