I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize