This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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