Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
