I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
