I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
