Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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