If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
