He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
