I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
A+ Viking dick
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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