I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize