There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
