No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
