Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
