I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
