Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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