This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
