And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
